I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
