You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
