i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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