I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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