I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
