Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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