just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
