a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
