1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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