Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is Oprah even human
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
