You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
