how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
