I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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