I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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