In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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