I never want to see another naked old woman again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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