If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
