Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
