Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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