i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
