I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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