I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
