Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
