ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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