He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
