i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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