Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
