Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i came on her dog
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
