my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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