I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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