The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
