It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
