last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
