yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
