I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
