I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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