Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
