he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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