I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
