Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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