I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
