Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
