I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
