my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
