She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
