why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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