i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
