I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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