I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
