i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
