You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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