Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
