dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
