This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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