Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
