I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
