I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
