Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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