I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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